Saturday, 20 April 2013



Now I’m not one to brag I’m not one to boast but this event you will be foolish to miss I phoned some my mates up and told them last minute that I will be hosting at SPANK Newmarket and when I told the man’s dem it was met with the usual where’s that Si? I ignore their blissful ignorance and state the time I want to be picked up and if they don’t let me know by a certain time what they are doing I’m travelling up on my own. With my Ultimatum final I expect to get a phone call to say Si I’m a pick u up at 7pm? 6.59pm I still don’t get a phone call so I begin my usual Virgo panic attack state of mind and Google up travel directions to get there and find a lovely hotel which is less than a mile from the Club. Now the reason why I got a room at a hotel in Newmarket is I saw Flashbacks of Spanks Head Honcho Simmo saying you are getting smashed Sez?

And because it’s a BIG MAN TING and I am being a responsible adult nowadays I need adequate recovery time to return to the people that matter so I jump in the shower put on the Nivea for men and shine on the bald head I put on my Running’s Uniform and head to Victoria Coach Station to get my Coach to Newmarket. When I arrive in Newmarket around two hours later I notice the various pubs lined up on the high street with punters and revellers I sense that things are going to get peak time messy on this high street when the pubs close. I arrive at my hotel which was overlooking the high street and prepare my Night Club Uniform. My Phone rings and guesses It’s the man’s dem! My guesses are proved right and I’m barraged with a volley of questions “where are you?” “what has man left already?” ”Gimme hour innit?” “u taking the piss sez?” “bet deres bare gyally up der?” I remain calm and say Fam I told u the time u weren’t innit!! Im up ere if you reach you reach I will send yall pictures and I laugh out Loud like Skeletor I WILL DO THIS ON MY ONES MWAHAHAHAHA

I leave the hotel and walk down the high street in Newmarket I’m dressed like a baller or at least a retired one and Feel a sudden nervousness in my stomach as I approach the Club I got all eyes on me like Tupac I walk into the Chicken Outlet KFC and order a zinger burger and got talking to a Chelsea Fan about horseracing football and other sporty topics he invites to the pub for a drink but I decline the invite as I have a mission to complete! I look across the road I see bare gyal Dressed to the nines legs and cleavage everywhere lined up outside  Innocence and I’m like RAAAAAAAH AM I REALLY AT SPANK DOE?..... 

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